Dunce Flash: Week of Dec. 27, 2010

in: the press

“Natalie Portman Got Pregnant and Engaged to Crush Your Dreams”

Image from Gawker

Gawker gave the story the perfect headline, but I think NY Mag put it best:

“Natalie Portman: Doing everything all of a sudden! Not content simply to star in the indie smash Black Swan, pick up award after award on the way to the Oscars, circle movies like the Alien prequel, The Great Gatsby, and The Dark Knight Rises, sit terrified while Annette Bening issues queenly pronouncements in her basso profundo during an actors roundtable, co-write a screenplay described as a “female-themed Superbad,” appear in roughly 8 million billion movies next year including Thor, Your Highness, and No Strings Attached, and wear vegan shoes made special for her by Christian Dior … deep breath to recover … the 29-year-old actress has now announced her engagement to ballet choreographer Benjamin Millepied, who appeared opposite her in Black Swan. What’s more, Portman is pregnant, People has confirmed. It’s her turn now!” [New York Magazine]

That’s right – the gorgeous and terrifyingly talented Natalie Portman is expecting with her now fiancee, French ballet dancer Benjamin Millepied. Mazel tov, Nats. Breaking hearts all over the place!

And, for good measure, my favorite short-form Portman piece. “Natalie’s Rap,” from a 2007 Saturday Night Live Digital Short, is posted below. Frankly, this video reminds me – I’m not mourning Portman’s pending nuptials. It’s the fact that she’s no longer (supposedly) with Andy Samberg*that brings the tears.

*An unsubstantiated rumor from US Weekly in 2007 that I desperately wanted to be true.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

 

Hugh Hefner Engaged to Former Playmate

Image from The Village Voice

Snore. Who cares?

The 84-year-old Hefner proposed to 24-year-old Crystal Harris, Dec. 2009’s Playmate of the Month, on Christmas Eve. [The Village Voice]

I much prefer this hilariously gross rumor from 2007, pairing then-72-year-old Morgan Freeman with his 27-year-old stepgranddaughter. Heebie jeebies!

The A.V. Club Releases “Turds in the Caviar” List

The exceptional people at The A.V. Club composed this list, “The turd in the caviar: 24 songs that almost derail great albums.” At the top of the list was The Beatles’ abrasive “Revolution 9,” from The Beatles (a.k.a. The White Album). Also included: The Hold Steady‘s “Chillout Tent” from The Boys in Girls in America (“…The multiple-singer approach inadvertently makes “Chillout Tent” sound like the faux-Broadway stylings of Meat Loaf.”); Belle & Sebastian‘s “Electronic Renaissance” from Tigermilk; and Kanye West‘s “Drunk and Hot Girls” from Graduation (“West deliberately shifts from mildly funny to drunken asshole, singing badly the entire time.”)

I think it’s a pretty stellar list, though BaBe wishes to note his dissatisfaction with the inclusion of Bob Dylan’s “Rainy Day Women #12 & 35” from Blonde on Blonde. [The A.V. Club]

Does Buffy Think Dolphins are Just Gay Sharks?

Glee‘s Heather Morris – the devilishly inane cheerleader Brittany – is in talks to portray Buffy the Vampire Slayer in the Warner Brothers film adaptation (or remake? or follow-up? or something.) of the eponymous ’90s show. Morris is hilarious, and I think she’d be a killer slayer (heh. Pun intended.), but I just can’t imagine Buffy sans Joss Whedon. The Frisky compares Morris to Sarah Michelle Gellar, who portrayed Buffy for seven seasons in the television show, and Kristy Swanson, who originated the role in the 1992 film alongside the dreamy Luke Perry. [The Frisky]

The Dunce Cap’s Third Year Thirty: Day 2

in: due time

Jen and Brad.

Aug. 23, 2010:

day 2: eschew responsibility.

Only for a day, duh. Barring the loss of of a job, the failure of a class or immediate danger, take a single-day stay-cation. Breakups are emotionally taxing, and a girl deserves a day of rest. Especially a girl who doesn’t really recognize the Sabbath. Oops.

My day didn’t consist of much, honestly. I didn’t have to work, so I slept in late and spent the afternoon on the couch in my pjs, heating up microwave dinners and watching Buffy. Few things help more than drooling over an ages-old vampire… Wait. I think I just lent credence to Twilight. Aw, shucks. I didn’t mean to.

Mostly, though, I rummaged through my old stuff for something I hadn’t really needed in quite some time. And I found it: an old CD-R with Sharpied handwritten titles, “BREAK-UP CD/TAKE 1/<3 SAM AND COCO.” I know this one’s a winner – it’s got Avril on it not once but twice. Pop punk and girrrrrrl power aplenty!

Basically, today was a solid day of nothing. And it felt like a reprieve.

The track listing from this exemplary piece of mixtape, circa summer 2005:

1. “Time Turn Fragile” – Motion City Soundtrack
2. “Move Along” – The All-American Rejects
3. “Love and Be Loved” – Charlie Mars
4. “Paper Rock Scissors” – JamisonParker
5. “On My Way” – Ingram Hill
6. “Since U Been Gone” – Kelly Clarkson
7. “Good Will Hunting By Myself” – Ludo
8. “My Happy Ending” – Avril Lavigne
9. “Too Little Too Late” – Barenaked Ladies
10. “Grenade Jumper” – Fall Out Boy
11. “Dammit” – Blink 182
12. “Life After Lisa” – Bowling For Soup
13. “Complicated” – Avril Lavigne
14. “Song for the Dumped” – Ben Folds Five
15. “I Will Survive” – Cake
16. “On My Own” – Don’t Look Down
17. “Laid” – James
18. “Bitch” – Meredith Brooks
19. “Find Comfort in Yourself” – Midtown
20. “A Year on an Airplane” – Daphne Loves Derby

And today’s track, something a bit more grown up:

The Flaming Lips, “All We Have Is Now”

Dumb Questions: August 18, 2010

in: ane

The Girl with the Dunce Cap presents:

Dumb Questions

A series of pointless rhetorical questions about popular culture.

Q1/August 18, 2010:

The Buffy Bunch

I started watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer last week. Is the big surprise that Xander is Greg Brady, Buffy is Marsha and Willow is Jan? And does that make Giles Alice?

If so, I think I missed the punchline.