dunce flash

Dunce Flash: Week of Dec. 27, 2010

in: the press

“Natalie Portman Got Pregnant and Engaged to Crush Your Dreams”

Image from Gawker

Gawker gave the story the perfect headline, but I think NY Mag put it best:

“Natalie Portman: Doing everything all of a sudden! Not content simply to star in the indie smash Black Swan, pick up award after award on the way to the Oscars, circle movies like the Alien prequel, The Great Gatsby, and The Dark Knight Rises, sit terrified while Annette Bening issues queenly pronouncements in her basso profundo during an actors roundtable, co-write a screenplay described as a “female-themed Superbad,” appear in roughly 8 million billion movies next year including Thor, Your Highness, and No Strings Attached, and wear vegan shoes made special for her by Christian Dior … deep breath to recover … the 29-year-old actress has now announced her engagement to ballet choreographer Benjamin Millepied, who appeared opposite her in Black Swan. What’s more, Portman is pregnant, People has confirmed. It’s her turn now!” [New York Magazine]

That’s right – the gorgeous and terrifyingly talented Natalie Portman is expecting with her now fiancee, French ballet dancer Benjamin Millepied. Mazel tov, Nats. Breaking hearts all over the place!

And, for good measure, my favorite short-form Portman piece. “Natalie’s Rap,” from a 2007 Saturday Night Live Digital Short, is posted below. Frankly, this video reminds me – I’m not mourning Portman’s pending nuptials. It’s the fact that she’s no longer (supposedly) with Andy Samberg*that brings the tears.

*An unsubstantiated rumor from US Weekly in 2007 that I desperately wanted to be true.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

 

Hugh Hefner Engaged to Former Playmate

Image from The Village Voice

Snore. Who cares?

The 84-year-old Hefner proposed to 24-year-old Crystal Harris, Dec. 2009’s Playmate of the Month, on Christmas Eve. [The Village Voice]

I much prefer this hilariously gross rumor from 2007, pairing then-72-year-old Morgan Freeman with his 27-year-old stepgranddaughter. Heebie jeebies!

The A.V. Club Releases “Turds in the Caviar” List

The exceptional people at The A.V. Club composed this list, “The turd in the caviar: 24 songs that almost derail great albums.” At the top of the list was The Beatles’ abrasive “Revolution 9,” from The Beatles (a.k.a. The White Album). Also included: The Hold Steady‘s “Chillout Tent” from The Boys in Girls in America (“…The multiple-singer approach inadvertently makes “Chillout Tent” sound like the faux-Broadway stylings of Meat Loaf.”); Belle & Sebastian‘s “Electronic Renaissance” from Tigermilk; and Kanye West‘s “Drunk and Hot Girls” from Graduation (“West deliberately shifts from mildly funny to drunken asshole, singing badly the entire time.”)

I think it’s a pretty stellar list, though BaBe wishes to note his dissatisfaction with the inclusion of Bob Dylan’s “Rainy Day Women #12 & 35” from Blonde on Blonde. [The A.V. Club]

Does Buffy Think Dolphins are Just Gay Sharks?

Glee‘s Heather Morris – the devilishly inane cheerleader Brittany – is in talks to portray Buffy the Vampire Slayer in the Warner Brothers film adaptation (or remake? or follow-up? or something.) of the eponymous ’90s show. Morris is hilarious, and I think she’d be a killer slayer (heh. Pun intended.), but I just can’t imagine Buffy sans Joss Whedon. The Frisky compares Morris to Sarah Michelle Gellar, who portrayed Buffy for seven seasons in the television show, and Kristy Swanson, who originated the role in the 1992 film alongside the dreamy Luke Perry. [The Frisky]

Dunce Flash: Tuesday, August 17

in: the press

Eek – I haven’t been blogging regularly, as I’ve been on a bit of a chase, journalistically speaking. I’m building a mystery, y’all know? Anyway. So much has happened recently, and I’ve been AWOL. Here are a few things that have led to incredible excitement.

It’s getting hard to keep pretending I’m worth your time

I’m not going to lie. The just-released video for Yeasayer‘s single “Madder Red” is weird. It’s kooky and certainly off-kilter, but it’s also sweet and tender. The gorgeous Kristen Bell of Veronica Mars fame is the leading lady in this video, which New York mag’s Vulture blog calls “the touching story of a girl and her pet blob monster.” And they’re not kidding. The object of Bell’s affection isn’t cute or cuddly but rather totally grotesque and absurd. It looks a bit like the inside of a body, with an oozingly bloody facial cavity thing and piercing blue eyes.

The video, directed by Swede Andreas Nilsson (a long time music video man behind songs by Fever Ray, José González and one of my personal favorites, I’m From Barcelona’s “We’re From Barcelona”) is certainly a bit creepy but it’s also heartwrenching. Check it out below, and definitely give Yeasayer’s full album, the incredible Odd Blood, a listen. [NY Mag]

Let it Sway

Springfield, Missouri's Someone Still Loves You, Boris Yeltsin

I really must have been living under a rock these last few weeks. Someone Still Loves You, Boris Yeltsin – one of my absolute favorite bands – just released a brand new album today. Their third LP, Let it Sway, is joyous. I’ve been a huge SSLYBY fan since their inception and the release of their first album, Broom, and Let it Sway doesn’t disappoint – it is refreshing. It’s hook-laden with ooh’s, aah’s and ear-pleasing choruses, and the feel is ’90s powerpop, recalling Built to Spill or a softer, more sing-songy Camper Van Beethoven. It’s a record of good-feelings and, while not as stellar as Broom, it has its standouts. Check out the lead single and title track “Sink/Let it Sway” below or give a listen to the anthemic attention-grabber “Back in the Saddle.”

The album is out today via Polyvinyl. [Paste]

Someone Still Loves You, Boris Yeltsin, “Sink/Let it Sway”

Weezer loses sense of irony – and gains indie musicality

Weezer frontman Rivers Cuomo with album namesake

Weezer is going indie with their forthcoming eighth album Hurley. Rolling Stone reports the band will be channeling “Sixties pop” on the disc, to be released Sept. 14. The band isn’t merely changing their sound – they’re switching labels too. They’ve left their longtime label Geffen/Interscope and are seeking solace at California-based Epitaph, known for hosting bands such as Alkaline Trio (after their parting from Vagrant), Motion City Soundtrack and the Weakerthans. The album art, which Weezer also released last week, actually is a headshot of Lost character Hugo “Hurley” Reyes, portrayed by Jorge Garcia. I’m excited for their alleged return to indie. It’ll be a nice change of pace after the machine-like churning out of Top 40-ready records (though “(If You’re Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To” was entirely charming, thanks in great part to producer and lyricist Butch Walker). I’m eager for Hurley – even despite the cheesy (cheeky?) and dated cover work. And despite the rather paltry attempt at a first single, “Memories.” [Rolling Stone]

And in other Weezer news – guitarist Brian Bell hinted in an interview at the Mile High Festival in Denver that the band would be touring in support of their pinnacle album, Pinkerton, which has reached cult classic status since its release in 1996. This one is personally near and dear to my heart. Pinkerton remains one of my absolute favorite albums, and the band is releasing a deluxe reissue of the record October 5 on Geffen. Keep your fingers – and toes! – crossed that Bell isn’t just merely being a tease. [MySpace music]

Weezer, “Memories” (the first single from Hurley)

Dunce Flash: Short Cuts

in: the press

Pacey-Con photo from Just Jared

  • Pacey Witter is back, looking rogue, scruffy and decidedly more handsome than Dawson Leery. That’s right, folks – Dawson’s Creek‘s Joshua Jackson staged his very own convention mere feet away from the throngs at San Diego’s Comic-Con. The aptly named Pacey-Con celebrated Jackson’s seminal character in all his bumbling glory.

    “Well, it came about because I just thought it was time to remind the world of the greatest character in TV history,” Jackson joked with MTV News Tuesday. “The original concept was, you know, actors are always trying to run away from characters they’ve had in their past. Well, I wanted to do the video that was the exact opposite.”

    Jackson staged Pacey-Con outside of the convention hall, and the whole thing was taped for a hilarious Funny or Die segment (video embedded below) the website released today. Jackson handed out Dawson’s Creek fan fiction while decked in Pacey’s signature bowling shirt, a bit soundtracked by the show’s theme song, Paula Cole’s “I Don’t Want to Wait.” Capeside to San Diego, indeed. [MTV]

Vodpod videos no longer available.

  • Dunce Cap favorite Guster released a new single, “Bad, Bad World,” from their forthcoming album, Easy Wonderful, set to drop October 5 on Aware/Universal Republic. Easy Wonderful will be Guster’s first album in four years. You can grab “Bad, Bad World” for free via the band’s website, or you can stream it below. [HitFix]


Guster, “Bad, Bad World”

"A Space Odyssey 2010" from Mila's Daydreams

  • Holy cuteness, Batman! Frisky writer Adele is on maternity leave after giving birth to her daughter Mila, and she’s maintaining a baby blog at Mila’s Daydreams. During Mila’s naps, Adele likes to imagine what her infant might be dreaming about; she then captures these epic tales in staged photographs like the one above. Gotta love the itty bitty unwitt-y bloggers. [The Frisky]

Dunce Flash: Spencer Plays Dress-Up

in: the press

Courtesy of The Frisky, sweet redemption! I was, as per my Twitter status yesterday, right. The soon-to-be former Mr. Heidi Montag (unkempt Ken) is a crazy homeless man! Or, per a gag with the equally as classy Perez Hilton, merely dressed as one. Not-so-brutally rebuffed from The Hills series finale party, Spencer Pratt (excuse me, King Spencer, as he’d like to be addressed) added himself to the guest list. Sort of.

Spencer Pratt, le brat

Spencer, the clear villain of The Hills – yes, even more than Brody Jenner – must have lost his invitation to the big celebration, but Hilton suggested he find his own way in. Dressed like a poor Albert Einstein impersonator, Pratt stormed the Hills crowd with a renewed fervor of douche baggery. Wearing body padding, aging face make-up and a bushy white beard and wig, Pratt vowed to air his “obnoxious mouth” even louder than before. Oh, dear God. The world isn’t ready for that. And the outfit? It didn’t fool anyone – The Roosevelt canceled his reservations, but he liked it so much he wore it to the Inception premiere too. Odds are – he wasn’t invited to that one, either. Pathetic. [The Frisky] [NY Daily News]

Why is “Runaway Train” playing during a Heidi-Spencer montage? Is this a revelation that Spencer is indeed a homeless man? #thehills 10:38 PM Jul 13th via web

– cckeevan @ Twitter

Wearing body padding, aging face make-up and a bushy white beard and wig

Dunce Flash: Mikey Makes Good

in: the press

A portion of The Billboard Hot 100, July 13, 2010

In case you can’t quite read this, this little chart, courtesy of Billboard, puts Mike Posner‘s “Cooler Than Me” at #6. On the Billboard Hot 100. Nationwide. Nationwide. Can someone anyone please explain to me how this has occurred? Okay, look, I’ve gotten my shits n’ giggles dancing to a Posner live show. And I have listened to his mixtape (the first one especially) dozens upon dozens of times. And “Cooler Than Me” was and still is my favorite track from said mixtape. But, really? #6? It’s been on the charts 10 weeks, and I’ve heard the song in five states. And there was a blurb in Entertainment Weekly about the guy. How has this possibly happened? How did the underdog triumph?

Mike Posner

Now, don’t get me wrong. Posner’s talented. He released that first mixtape, “A Matter of Time,” from his dorm room at Duke when he was barely 21. He snagged a record deal and a degree, touring on the weekends (including a stint at Northwestern’s Dillo Day in May 2009). This summer, he played Bonnaroo and is slated to play every date on the Warped Tour (and, though a former Warped diehard myself, that’s not saying much), and he’s managed to make himself a household name on Top 40 radio.

But does he deserve it? I mean, there’s a lot to be said, surely, about whether or not the music on modern pop radio qualifies as “good” (and I, for the record, am in that pseudo-snobby camp that says it usually is not), but Posner doesn’t really seem to fit that mold. He’s catchy, certainly, with a certain kind of nerdiness that nearly passes as being cool. It’s the way he mixes his beats and throws down his rhymes, almost with hesitation, sheepish, uncertain. You know the Yahoo commercial currently airing with the extra-nerdy guy lip-synching to a poorly done quasi-rap song?
(editor’s note: forgive the author. that “poorly done quasi-rap song”? kanye. Yo Kanye, I’m really happy for you, I’ma let you finish, but Mike Posner has one of the best videos of all time!)

It reminds me of Posner every time.

I’ve embedded the original cut of Posner’s hit single, “Cooler Than Me” from his first mixtape, “A Matter of Time.”


Mike Posner, “Cooler Than Me” (A Matter of Time version)

What do you think?
Is Posner pretty fly for a white guy or just another white (c)rapper?

And a pretty insightful comment from Bebe:
who would have thought we’d see the day
when mike posner was at #6
and eminem is at #10

(editor’s note: jimmy brooks walked again. and made a killer – and wildly popular – album. i guess anything’s possible. cheers, posner.)

Dunce Flash: Fashion

in: the press

Yes, I have trouble dressing myself in anything more dazzling than a librarian cardigan. This, however, doesn’t mean I lack total fashion sense. Yes, the girl with the dunce cap is a budding (and closeted!) fashionista.

In fashion news:

Image from hollywoodlife.com

  • Like, totally! Classic designer Calvin Klein is bringing back the adorable dress Cher Horowitz (Alicia Silverstone) wears in “Clueless” – the white slinky number Cher wore on her date with Christian (the “cake-eater” with a love for Billie Holiday – “I love him!” – and Tony Curtis). InStyle reports the Calvin Klein minidress Cher’s father forbid her from wearing sans cover-up is currently in the works again, set to sell in L.A. boutique Confederacy and online at shopconfederacy.com, and premiering later this year in red and Cher’s classic white. It’ll cost a measly $916. Duh, Daddy. I hope this is the start of a Clueless fashion re-creation. I love the dress Amber wears to the party in the Valley, even if Cher wore it better. This is seriously the best thing to come from Calvin Klein since Mark Wahlberg modeled their underwear. [In Style]
    (editor’s note – after digging around a bit, it’s been determined the dress is now available in store and online. commence splurging/coveting.)

    (additional editor’s note – I also learned from The Frisky that designer Isaac Mizrahi has redesigned the vintage prom dress worn by both Kelly and Brenda on “Beverly Hills, 90210.” The dress, a black off-the-shoulder with a big, white taffeta bow, brought a major teen flashback when it premiered at Mizrahi’s resort 2011 runway show. For the stars of the teen drama, a show I rediscovered a bit late in my youth, it caused a near-meltdown of a total BFF-dom. Woah. [The Frisky])

Chuck Taylor All Star Dr. Seuss by Converse

  • Converse, you sneaky and smart retailers. You’ve captured my heart yet again. So, sure, the music geek in me definitely wanted the Kurt Cobain sneaks from the music collection last year. Or the Clash ones. Or, oh!, the Blondie ones. Channeling Debbie Harry? Check. But now you’ve done it again. Converse recently unveiled their Chuck Taylor Dr. Seuss collection, 17 designs for kids and kids at heart decorated with characters or elements from the beloved children’s books. They run between $35 and $65 in both hi- and lo-tops and feature The Cat in the Hat, Thing 1 and Thing 2 and the fish of One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. They’re adorable and totally chic. I’m not sure that they’re available in retail stores, but definitely check them out on the website. I hope something tres geek is next – Roald Dahl characters, anyone?

Which movie/book would you most like to see recreated in fashion?
Please, no Twihards here.

Dunce Flash: Phillie Phanatic Sued – Again?

in: the press

Image courtesy of photojournalist Mary Schwalm

Hi folks. It’s time again for the latest installment of Phanatic drama. My favorite mascot – the cherubic green monster of Philadelphia Phillies fame – has gotten his jelly roll into some trouble. A 75-year-old woman from Wernersville, Pa., is suing the Phanatic (my pal Tom Burgoyne), the Philadelphia Phillies and the club’s minor league outfit, the Reading Phillies.

Grace Crass is seeking $50,000 in damages for injuries sustained during a 2008 Reading Phillies minor league game. The adorable cross between Telly Monster and those damned Sesame Street Honkers allegedly maneuvered his muffin top through the crowd, roughing up Crass and causing injury to her knees.

Crass’s attorney, John Speicher, claims Phanatic climbed atop Crass’s legs to the point of her crying out in pain, and says he expects him “to come to a deposition, stick his stomach and his tongue out at me and not say anything,” adding that people around him have said that this is “like suing Santa Claus.” Speicher mentions the Phanatic’s infamous anteater-like tongue in his commentary to The Philadelphia Daily News, but it was Phanatic’s giant structure which aggravated Crass’s arthritis.

Phanatic isn’t a rookie when it comes to litigation. Bob Jarvis, professor of sports law at Nova Southeastern University, in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., says that the Phanatic holds the “dubious record as the most-sued mascot in the majors.” In a study published in the May 2002 Cardozo Law Review, Jarvis mused that Phanatic likely held that ill-coveted honor because of both his girth and ready excitability.  He’s a mover, a shaker and a knee quaker.

The last major civil case in recent memory occurred when the Phillies had to pay a judgment of $2.5 million to a man at a paint store event when the Phanatic got out of control and decided to jump the patron and wrestle him into a rough-house bear hug, from which the man sustained serious back injuries and litigated for damages. FX’s It’s Always Sunny in Philadephia had the last laugh on that one in 2009.

writes Rachel Levitin of We Love DC

Phanatic is a delight, though, and, again, my favorite mascot in all of sportsdom. He is a part of the game of baseball, and it’s sad to see him headed to court – again. He’s just bein’ the Jolly Green Giant, y’know?

Dunce Flash: An Open Letter to Katy Perry (from Jessie Spano!)

in: the press

Jessie Spano has heard her “California gurl” anthem – and she is none too happy.

Jezebel posted this open letter from Slater’s girl to candy queen Katy Perry, in which Spano (of the NBC sitcom “Saved by the Bell“) lambastes Perry’s track “California Gurls” for its generalization of girls from the Golden State.


Teaser from Katy Perry ftr. Snoop Dogg, “California Gurls”
watch full video at youtube

“My boyfriend is a macho pig and therefore enjoys your song and video very much, as it fits his limited view of femininity and sexuality,” writes Spano (played by Elizabeth Berkley in the series) in a hilarious characterization of her boyfriend, the brawny and Jheri-curled Slater, “namely, that I, a California girl (your intentional misspelling may be an homage of sorts, but that doesn’t make it any less offensive to those of us who enjoy proper English), should exist solely to provide sexual excitement whilst wearing a bra made out of whipped cream cans.”

The writer, Hortense, perfectly captures Spano’s burgeoning feminism while mocking the flimsy and superficial characterizations of my generation’s beloved “Saved by the Bell.” Spano tackles Perry’s frivolous sexism while lauding the tacky imagery of Perry’s music video. Pure hilarity. I can only imagine the fangirl letter Kelly Kapowski must have sent Perry – and the Farrah Fawcett-esque bikini poster of Perry clad in whipped cream brassiere that must don Zack Morris’s wall.

Check out Spano’s caffeine-induced (and much satirized) breakdown – mentioned in the letter – below.


Jessie’s Breakdown from “Jessie’s Song”
Season 2, Episode 9 (1990)

And from the Daily What via the Huffington Post, a graph by Tumblr user Nathaniel James capturing the spread of Spano’s caffeine intake in that very same episode.

“California Gurls,” which just reached number one in the U.K., is the electropop lead single from Perry’s upcoming third studio album Teenage Dream. The album is slated to hit U.S. record stores August 24. Dennis Wilson must be rolling in his grave.

Dunce Flash: Lady Gaga to climb the fashion ladder?

in: the press

A match made in heaven.

It seems Lady Gaga is no longer content to let others design her excessive headwear – she wants to get into fashion!

Vogue.com UK reported that the new queen of pop applied for an internship position with London milliner (that’s hat designer for you laymen) Philip Treacy, who collaborated with the artist on headpieces to accompany her outrageous stage get-ups. Representatives for Treacy confirmed that they had received an application from one Stefani Germanotta (though it remains to be seen if she simply applied under her stage moniker – can she get away with that?), but the rep denied requests to publish the application. Gaga allegedly demonstrated her humor in her resume, and I can only imagine the skills, experience and honors she listed. Occupation? International superstar. Awards? Six Grammy nominations, two wins. Skills? Deftly disguising a penis (rumored).

I applaud Gaga’s work ethic and determination, but it’s hard to imagine her fetching coffee, as is common in these kinds of internships. And, really, she’s not quite as demure or inconspicuous as one should be when acting as the gopher for an industry professional as high profile as Treacy. What’s next? Lindsay Lohan nagging Anna Wintour for a handout while clad in flannel from Sam Ronson‘s garbage? Wait – that one’s actually plausible.

Below are some of Treacy’s designs for Gaga.