Before I get started on this super-fun new feature, I want to follow-up on a song I mentioned in my last Dunce Cap post (and featured prominently in this week’s mix). I’ve been listening to Ben Kweller’s excellently catchy “Hospital Bed” pretty much on repeat, and I keep getting caught up in the chorus:
(boy) “You be Betty!”
(girl) “I’ll be Betty!”
(boy) “I’ll play Joe!”
(girl) “You play Joe!”
Okay, innocuous enough, right? A bit about pretending to be someone else, or perhaps a cute li’l reference to Paul Simon’s “You Can Call Me Al,” right? But that’s not what really strikes me.
Maybe I’ve been watching waaaay too much “Mad Men,” but every time I hear this song, all I hear is Kweller yelping,
(boy) “You be Betty!”
(girl) “I’ll be Betty!”
(boy) “I’ll play Joan!”
(girl) “You play Joan!”
and I love it. But, y’know, I don’t know which of the two to be on any given day. It’s like this: Betty gets to be married to Don Draper, the sexiest man with a false identity, well, ever, while Joan Holloway gets to be fucking Joan Holloway…and Roger Sterling and that (formerly Jewish) doctor with some fairly questionable jealous tendencies. Joan’s sultry and sharp in all the ways that Betty behaves as an immature dolt. So, yeah, you, the other in this song I’m belting out – you be Betty. I’ll definitely be Joan.
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Okay, so, I’m debuting a new feature tonight called “A Modern Love Affair.” It’s a bit like the “No Brainer” series I did awhile back, which currently features a breezy piece on John Hodgman and an as-yet-unposted adoration column about Suri Cruise. It differs slightly in that it’s not about an individual. “No Brainer” pays tribute to a someone, while “Open Season” is an open letter to a person. “A Modern Love Affair” is about a something. And, boy, is it going to be fun.
I like to think I’m an interesting individual, and, in an effort to introduce me a bit more, I present five kind observations on the girl.
Observations 1-5:
I use too much toilet paper.
This ought to be self-explanatory, and any explanation further may be a bit too … graphic for publication on this site. But, seriously – I am a teepee sheet waster. I’m single-handedly destroying the environment. Whoops.
(editor’s note – this has nothing to do with any of my bathroom habits. it’s just a statement that I am a non-essential toilet paper consumer.)
I have a visceral reaction to art.
Particularly, it seems, television (and music, but television provides more concrete examples). “Bones” is perhaps the best example of this. I love and adore this T.V. series and each of its characters, and I appreciate the use of scientific evidence to solve crimes. More importantly, though, I am a ‘shipper. I watch, week in and week out, for the will-they-won’t-they romantic tension between primary characters Booth and Brennan. The most recent episode of the series, “The Parts in the Sum of the Whole,” aired April 8 and featured an earth shattering (and heartwrenching) conclusion that left ‘shippers, like me, distressed.
I respond to the criminal aspect of the show in a normal manner, I expect, for the show’s audience. I, in fact, often find myself repulsed by the physicality of the program, but I respond in an intense but simplistic emotional manner. I want to give Booth and Bones their happily ever after more than I want them, even, to solve these homicide cases. Sure, it’s a lame and infantile way to approach the viewing of good primetime television, but I’m affected by “Bones” (and similar programs) viscerally.
I love commercials with dogs.
I become unnervingly giddy when a dog appears in a television commercial, or even in the 30 second ads before and during Hulu viewings. I’m sure it’s quite the sight for anyone located in the vicinity – I become like a small child, skirmish and highly excitable. Check out these neat videos of dogs being all adorable on the small screen!
“The Simpsons” is consistently funny to me, and there were two episodes in seasons 20 and 21 which I I highly recommend. “Waverly Hills 9-0-2-1-D’oh” and “The Greatest Story Ever D’ohed” are two remarkably hilarious episodes. “The Simpsons” may not fulfill the fantasies of the real-life culture arbiters (see: Comic Book Guy in reality), but the series still brings me untold laughter.
For examples of humorous skits, watch “The Mellow Show” with host Joseph Gordon-Levitt and musical guest Dave Matthews (35.7), or check out this gem of script from boytoy musical guest Justin Bieber (35.18) in a sketch called “Teacher.”
Vodpod videos no longer available.
“Let us go, jump on my skateboard, eat some cake, oh… we’ll check out Filene’s and get chunky jewelry at Chico’s, I’ll buy you a panini and some Spanx to make you teeny…”
coco keevan 