justin long

No Brainer: John Hodgman

in: fatuation, on: journalistic writing

Why we love: John Hodgman

I’m considering a legal name change to “Holy Hannah Hottentot-Smythe,” the Christian name I’d surely be called by if I were a hobo, and name no. 349 on John Hodgman’s list of “SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES.” Hodgman, a former correspondent and “PROFESSIONAL LITERARY AGENT” (as his book declares) is best known as your personal computer, the adorably desperate customer monger in Apple’s Mac commercial, competing with suave and sleek Justin Long by disguising himself in cartoon form, burrowing deep inside pizza boxes.

He is also a “PROFESSIONAL WRITER,” a talented Renaissance man and humorist. His novels The Areas of My Expertise and More Information Than You Require include extensive listings of hobo signs (the symbols hoboes leave for each other), a timeline of the American lobster and charts of types of werewolves. He is a connoisseur of fake knowledge, and, best of all, he is The Daily Show’s Resident Expert, reporting on everything. Seriously.

It clicked one evening, as yet another clever 15-second Apple ad caught my attention on the television. I shifted my focus from the lanky frame of Long to the pudgy, self-effacing countenance of Hodgman—and I fell in love.

I want to wrap him up in the box he came in, that cute little PC, and unpack him into my breast pocket. I hope he’ll whisper sweet nothings of knowledge into my ears and feed me lines of hobo code during those long, unwieldy and terrifying late night jaunts down Sherman. He’ll star in all my films as “The Guy With Glasses,” sharing his genius in chats of Battlestar Galactica and Complete World Knowledge.

Even without his perpetual presence, Hodgman is my guru. I simply need to watch out for the Apple commercials to catch a glimpse of his face, stodgy and absurd. Take that, former almost Mr. Barrymore.

this piece originally ran in the weekly, a supplement of the daily northwestern thursday, on may 20, 2009

A.V. Club: The Swoon Club

in: viewing room

Here at the Dunce Cap, sharing is highly encouraged. And the A.V. Club is one of the easiest ways to put to use the skills taught in kindergarten. This week, A.V. Club brings two excellent clips that’ll make you wet your pants.

There are a couple videos making rounds across the Interweb today, and these two definitely caught my eye. Yes, singular. One each. These two are among the first class of the Dunce Cap Swoon Club, and I think these videos prove any such title is warranted. Totally.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt feels like a natural woman-un-un

JGL's Gender-bending head-scratching

So, we got to hear Joseph Gordon-Levitt sing in (500) Days of Summer. Remember? Karaoke? Belting “Here Comes Your Man” in bliss and then a much surlier “Train in Vain” in a drunken stupor. And then there was the absolutely adorable “I Don’t Want to Go to the Moon.” And now? He’s working his pipes with a rendition of Aretha Franklin’s “A Natural Woman.”

Gordon-Levitt’s also runs hitRECord.org, an online collaborative production company, and Monday, at the site’s Summer in the City show, the cherub-faced boy from Angels in the Outfield crooned to many bawling girls.

Wait, I got lost. I wasn’t talking about Justin Bieber? No? Oh, right. Weird.

Check out the clip below. This isn’t Gordon-Levitt’s first trek into girl anthem land. He sang Madonna’s “Express Yourself” at a hitRECord.org performance in 2007. Oh, JGL. You’re precious. [The Daily What via The Frisky]

Somehow, Justin Long makes me envious of a 12-year-old girl

“Ok, foin!” I’ve always thought Justin Long was a catch. Hilarious, cheeky, charming, attractive, assuredly friends with John Hodgman. But this video had me rolling on the floor. You know me – I’m a bit of a Medildo journalist-type, incapable of ignoring mistakes in grammar or spelling. And so, this video just slaaaayed me (I’m sorry. I’m still watching Buffy.)

Anyway. Jimmy Kimmel hosted Long this week, and, instead of talking about the sure-to-be-endearingly-lovable Going the Distance, Long introduced us to…well, I don’t think any of us are sure who we were conversing with. A poor (and poorly educated) tween unwittingly texted Long, thinking she was chatting with her friend of Eduardo. Long replied, and a months-long text exchange ensued. As did hilarity!

The interview (with a short clip from the new movie, due out Sept. 3, at the end) is broken down into three parts on Kimmel’s official YouTube. Part 1 is embedded below, with links to parts 2 and 3 following. [BuzzFeed]

And part 2 and part 3.

(editor’s note: How did I not know Justin Long was in Crossroads? I must have missed this the ten thousand times I watched that movie for Anson Mount. What? I’m not embarrassed.)