saturday night live

Dunce Flash: Week of Dec. 27, 2010

in: the press

“Natalie Portman Got Pregnant and Engaged to Crush Your Dreams”

Image from Gawker

Gawker gave the story the perfect headline, but I think NY Mag put it best:

“Natalie Portman: Doing everything all of a sudden! Not content simply to star in the indie smash Black Swan, pick up award after award on the way to the Oscars, circle movies like the Alien prequel, The Great Gatsby, and The Dark Knight Rises, sit terrified while Annette Bening issues queenly pronouncements in her basso profundo during an actors roundtable, co-write a screenplay described as a “female-themed Superbad,” appear in roughly 8 million billion movies next year including Thor, Your Highness, and No Strings Attached, and wear vegan shoes made special for her by Christian Dior … deep breath to recover … the 29-year-old actress has now announced her engagement to ballet choreographer Benjamin Millepied, who appeared opposite her in Black Swan. What’s more, Portman is pregnant, People has confirmed. It’s her turn now!” [New York Magazine]

That’s right – the gorgeous and terrifyingly talented Natalie Portman is expecting with her now fiancee, French ballet dancer Benjamin Millepied. Mazel tov, Nats. Breaking hearts all over the place!

And, for good measure, my favorite short-form Portman piece. “Natalie’s Rap,” from a 2007 Saturday Night Live Digital Short, is posted below. Frankly, this video reminds me – I’m not mourning Portman’s pending nuptials. It’s the fact that she’s no longer (supposedly) with Andy Samberg*that brings the tears.

*An unsubstantiated rumor from US Weekly in 2007 that I desperately wanted to be true.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

 

Hugh Hefner Engaged to Former Playmate

Image from The Village Voice

Snore. Who cares?

The 84-year-old Hefner proposed to 24-year-old Crystal Harris, Dec. 2009’s Playmate of the Month, on Christmas Eve. [The Village Voice]

I much prefer this hilariously gross rumor from 2007, pairing then-72-year-old Morgan Freeman with his 27-year-old stepgranddaughter. Heebie jeebies!

The A.V. Club Releases “Turds in the Caviar” List

The exceptional people at The A.V. Club composed this list, “The turd in the caviar: 24 songs that almost derail great albums.” At the top of the list was The Beatles’ abrasive “Revolution 9,” from The Beatles (a.k.a. The White Album). Also included: The Hold Steady‘s “Chillout Tent” from The Boys in Girls in America (“…The multiple-singer approach inadvertently makes “Chillout Tent” sound like the faux-Broadway stylings of Meat Loaf.”); Belle & Sebastian‘s “Electronic Renaissance” from Tigermilk; and Kanye West‘s “Drunk and Hot Girls” from Graduation (“West deliberately shifts from mildly funny to drunken asshole, singing badly the entire time.”)

I think it’s a pretty stellar list, though BaBe wishes to note his dissatisfaction with the inclusion of Bob Dylan’s “Rainy Day Women #12 & 35” from Blonde on Blonde. [The A.V. Club]

Does Buffy Think Dolphins are Just Gay Sharks?

Glee‘s Heather Morris – the devilishly inane cheerleader Brittany – is in talks to portray Buffy the Vampire Slayer in the Warner Brothers film adaptation (or remake? or follow-up? or something.) of the eponymous ’90s show. Morris is hilarious, and I think she’d be a killer slayer (heh. Pun intended.), but I just can’t imagine Buffy sans Joss Whedon. The Frisky compares Morris to Sarah Michelle Gellar, who portrayed Buffy for seven seasons in the television show, and Kristy Swanson, who originated the role in the 1992 film alongside the dreamy Luke Perry. [The Frisky]

A.V. Club: Winter Vacation, Day 2

in: the press, in: viewing room

Alanis Morissette's misheard lyrics via Buzzfeed

Readers (see: Dan, Jen), I’m back. Siriusly. And Chaucer’s sleepin’ on the couch, splayed out on two cushions all adorable, so I’m relegated to the floor. I’ll make this quick-ish. And, for the record, Chauce hates the sound of Neil Patrick Harris’s laugh. He balked a bit.

Some news of the day:

  • Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds  have called it quits! A second sad break-up in as many days.  [LA Times]
  • Andy Cohen asks Diane Von Furstenberg and Iman (David Bowie’s wife!) a rousing question: “Lady Gaga’s fashion: fabulous or fakakta?” [Bravo]
  • This is old news, but Tommy Lee is all up in arms over what? Lee wrote Sea World to complain about the fact that killer whale Tilikum continues to be used for his sperm. [Newser via The Frisky]

And today’s videos for sharin’:

Rudolllllllph. You don’t have to put on the red light.

This video had me in stitches. It’s a mash-up between The Police’s classic “Roxanne” and Christmas classic “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” and brings me such joy. [The Daily What]

And all these oil spills? Hit the showers!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

The Arcade Fire guest star on a pretty humorous Saturday Night Live Digital Short from November 13. I love Andy Samberg. Rip your shirt wide open and danceeee.

 

Dunce Flash: Halloween, Shy Ronnie and Newsies

in: the press, in: viewing room

Happy Halloween, readers!

There’s so much to talk about today, of all days. It’s Halloween, first of all, the most splendid of teeth-rotting holidays! I’m thrilled. My costume? Suri Cruise! Last year, I went sans costume, and the year before I was Lady Stardust, and the year before that, I was Gilda Radner. I’m getting more and more clever and more and more obscure.

Google celebrated this Halloween with a five panel Google Doodle. The full thing is below and is totally excellent. It chronicles the ultimate Scooby Doo mystery – the search for a candy thief. Gotta love Google and Halloween.

Google Doodle, 10/31/2010

And, for good measure, a Halloween tune. Or, at least, a song called “Halloween.” It’s more about a party and about relationships and about a bout of sadness. And, I suppose, my Halloween weekend was full of heartache and sadness – and rollicking fun and acceptance and hilarity too – , so it seems rather appropriate. It’s too much to go into now, but this weekend, I hope, I’ll tackle The Third Year Thirty in a more concise manner.

Happy listening.


“Halloween,” Matt Pond PA

The return of Shy Ronnie

Perhaps my favorite SNL skit of the last year, “Shy Ronnie,” a digital short co-starring Rihanna and Andy Samberg, returned to Saturday Night Live this week in the Jon Hamm episode.

The sequel to the video takes place in a bank in a hold-up called “Ronnie and Clyde” and is seriously gut-clutchingly funny.

Check out the video to the sequel below or watch the original “Shy Ronnie” on Hulu.

Vodpod videos no longer available.
“Shy Ronnie,” Saturday Night Live

Seriously. “Shy Ronnie” brings me such joy.

In other news

– Never thought I’d say it, but poor Christine O’Donnell. Gawker, you’ve left me a journalist ashamed. [Gawker]

– Dear Marie Claire writer,

At our worst, we may all think it. But never in a million years would we write it.

Sincerely,
The Girl with the Dunce Cap [Marie Claire]

– I’ve been meaning to say this for months – Matthew Gray Gubler, I love your new haircut. [Hell Yeah Matthew Gray Gubler]

The Dunce Cap: August 9, 2010

in: heavy rotation

My name is Simon.

The Dunce Cap, Vol. 20: New York is pretty heavy. Girl, I hope it doesn’t crush you. (listen to mix via 8tracks)

1. “Open Happiness” – Butch Walker, Travis McCoy, Brandon Urie, Cee-Lo, Janelle Monae and Patrick Stump
2. “Dirty Dustin Hoffman Needs a Bath” – of Montreal
3. “Many Moons” – Janelle Monae
4. “Funny Little Frog” – Belle & Sebastian
5. “Magazines” – The Hold Steady
6. “Titus Andronicus” – Titus Andronicus
7. “When I’m With You” – Best Coast
8. “Lucky You” – The National
9. “Summer Babe (Winter Version)” – Pavement
10. “The Dress Looks Nice on You” –Sufjan Stevens

Playlist number 20 for the week of 08/09/10. Couldn’t have ended better if I’d planned it. And the countdown to Evanston has fallen now into weeks. I’ll be back in town in less than a month, and I’m pretty thrilled. Fall is always a blast in Chicago, even when the weather turns colder and then frigid. And with fall comes the onslaught of concerts which seems to ebb as the year winds down. This is a mix to celebrate the concerts headed to The Windy City in September and October which are making me antsy, excited and broke.

So far, I have tickets for The Hold Steady and of Montreal/Janelle Monae, and I’m itching to buy a ticket to The National. My bank account is cursing me with its constant reminders of dwindling funds, but it’s all worth it, no?

This Dunce Cap features the artists I’d most like to see this year, including Pavement (who will play Millennium Park’s Pritzker Pavilion Sept. 13), Belle & Sebastian (at the legendary Chicago Theatre Oct. 11 – be sure to look out for my pal Modibo, who you may have heard in our Chicago Public Radio audio piece!) and Sufjan Stevens (his first official tour in nearly four years, I believe, also at the Chicago Theatre Oct. 15). It’s going to be quite the concert season.

And, for good measure, I included the Butch Walker-written and produced track “Open Happiness.” The song features a whole load of artists, including Gnarls Barkley’s Cee-Lo Green, Fall Out Boy’s Patrick Stump and Gym Class Heroes Travis (now “Travie”) McCoy and was the basis of the Coca Cola advertising campaign of the same name last summer. It’s an incredibly hypnotic summer song fitting to close this one and welcome in autumn.

Happy listening.

(editor’s note: I’m watching Jersey Shore – no apologies – and Pauly D just said “From here on out…” His pronunciation, thought? “From hair on out.” Too funny. Also – how is Mike Posner MTV’s Artist of the Week? Unbelievable. I don’t even think I know anyone who even likes Posner.)

Book Club: May television

in: on queue

For this month’s small screen preview, The Dunce Cap has just two words (on repeat) –
BETTY WHITE BETTY WHITE BETTY WHITE!

Channel surfing:

White in the newsstand edition of Entertainment Weekly

Betty White is 88 years old and a comedic legend. And on May 8, thanks to the power of the Internet, she will finally be hosting Saturday Night Live. The special Mother’s Day episode will also reunite former cast members Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Molly Shannon, Maya Rudolph, Ana Gasteyer and Rachel Dratch in a girrrrrrl power hour (and a half) of sketch comedy.

A Facebook campaign, initiated by White’s appearance during a Super Bowl XLIV commercial, insisted White finally host the famous NBC show, and the fans had their voice heard. The former “Golden Girls” actress will host the show Saturday with Jay-Z.

Check out the SNL promo below, and watch this hilarious musical tribute to the wonderful woman on YouTube.

(editor’s note: “The Simpsons” had a hilarious cultural critique of an opening last night. So excited to see the blogosphere erupt – the video is already all over YouTube. The opener? A choreographed, lip-synced take on Ke$ha’s godawful “Tik Tok.”)

Judgment Call: Hot Tub Time Machine

in: under scrutiny

Hot Tub Time Machine
When it comes to this murky man-com, skip the time travel

“Hot Tub Time Machine” is not a thinking man’s movie, but, to be fair, to anticipate any more of it would be hopelessly expectational.

The story follows four losers – three in their 40s and one in his early 20s – seeking excitement and, for the first three, a return to lost youth.

Recently-dumped insurance salesman Adam reunites with old pals Lou and Nick after Lou lands in the hospital from a Mötley Crüe-induced carbon monoxide poisoning. The men, each feeling unfulfilled, plan a road trip to their former haunt, a ski resort, dragging along Adam’s Second Life-obsessed nephew Jacob.

The men find the resort, the site of so many of their fondest memories and consorts, is now no more than a hole in the wall. The group is constantly reminded of what the resort used to mean to them, from a vulgar carving in the wood furniture to the now-one-armed bellhop, portrayed with gusto by the ever-creepy Crispin Glover. The decrepit lodge provides little opportunity for the wild fun they remember, so the men opt instead for a whirlwind night in the hot tub. When they awake from their drunken stupor, the men find themselves in 1986. Their vehicle of time travel is, of course, the titular hot tub, and the change in decades is indicated by a poor quality trip-fest of bright colors and rapid camera movements.

The transformation is all ‘80s clichés, from neon tracksuits to Aquanet hair, complemented by a lame Michael Jackson skin color gag. In 1986, the three older men have scores to settle: For Adam, it’s the girl who got away (and impaled him in the process); for Lou, it’s the fight no one supported him in; and for Nick, it’s a burgeoning musical career abandoned for an antagonistic wife. All wish to make amends but worry of the sci-fi phenomenon known as “the butterfly effect” (“a great movie,” Lou replies, referring to the 2004 Ashton Kutcher flop).

The result is a bawdy tale of sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll (if introducing the Black Eyed Peas to 1986 can really be considered “rock ‘n’ roll”) which fails to amuse. The dialogue is an endless barrage of ‘80s cultural references, and the rest of the pithy conversation is inundated with the ethos of masculinity and, worse, misogyny.

Poor John Cusack seems nostalgic for his 80s celebrity, and his Lloyd Dobler-esque romanticism late in the movie seems forced and contrary to the gross-out vulgarity of the brunt of the film. Not a single character is likable or even remotely appealing – you don’t root for their success or even their happiness.

Even the comedic forces of Clark Duke (“Greek”) as Jacob and Craig Robinson (“The Office”) as Nick can’t salvage the pathetic “The Hangover” meets “Back to the Future” hybrid. It’s a bro-flick of grown men attempting to reclaim their youth that doesn’t resonate even with the generation familiar with the ’80s. The actors, notably Cusack and the strangely cast Chevy Chase as the hot tub mechanic, seem out of place and tragically grasping a lost kind of celebrity. “Hot Tub Time Machine’s” convenient ending neatly wrapped together the loose ends, with a brash decision to change the past resulting in pleasant futures for the protagonists, but the resolution seems rash and hurried. It serves as a cheeky way to conclude a bland comedic film that relies far too heavily on cultural relevance.

If only this time machine really did exist – to take me back to before I decided to watch it – twice.

(editor’s note) This could have been so much funnier as an “SNL” short. Or as a “30 Rock” publicity joke. As is, this is merely a semi-self-aware 80s “Snakes on a Plane“-esque nostalgia-fest.

kind observations on the girl (1-5)

on: the girl

I like to think I’m an interesting individual, and, in an effort to introduce me a bit more, I present five kind observations on the girl.

Observations 1-5:

I use too much toilet paper.

This ought to be self-explanatory, and any explanation further may be a bit too … graphic for publication on this site. But, seriously – I am a teepee sheet waster. I’m single-handedly destroying the environment. Whoops.

(editor’s note – this has nothing to do with any of my bathroom habits. it’s just a statement that I am a non-essential toilet paper consumer.)

I have a visceral reaction to art.

Particularly, it seems, television (and music, but television provides more concrete examples). “Bones” is perhaps the best example of this. I love and adore this T.V. series and each of its characters, and I appreciate the use of scientific evidence to solve crimes. More importantly, though, I am a ‘shipper. I watch, week in and week out, for the will-they-won’t-they romantic tension between primary characters Booth and Brennan. The most recent episode of the series, “The Parts in the Sum of the Whole,” aired April 8 and featured an earth shattering (and heartwrenching)  conclusion that left ‘shippers, like me, distressed.

I respond to the criminal aspect of the show in a normal manner, I expect, for the show’s audience. I, in fact, often find myself repulsed by the physicality of the program, but I respond in an intense but simplistic emotional manner. I want to give Booth and Bones their happily ever after more than I want them, even, to solve these homicide cases. Sure, it’s a lame and infantile way to approach the viewing of good primetime television, but I’m affected by “Bones” (and similar programs) viscerally.

I love commercials with dogs.

I become unnervingly giddy when a dog appears in a television commercial, or even in the 30 second ads before and during Hulu viewings. I’m sure it’s quite the sight for anyone located in the vicinity – I become like a small child, skirmish and highly excitable. Check out these neat videos of dogs being all adorable on the small screen!

Cesar Dog Food

Iams Dog Food

I still like television shows that “jumped the shark.”

I watch “Saturday Night Live” and “The Simpsons” – still.

“The Simpsons” is consistently funny to me, and there were two episodes in seasons 20 and 21 which I I highly recommend. “Waverly Hills 9-0-2-1-D’oh” and “The Greatest Story Ever D’ohed” are two remarkably hilarious episodes. “The Simpsons” may not fulfill the fantasies of the real-life culture arbiters (see: Comic Book Guy in reality),  but the series still brings me untold laughter.

And “Saturday Night Live” has hit its stride again in recent seasons with strong host-musical guest pairs. My favorites in this season include Joseph Gordon-Levitt/Dave Matthews Band; James Franco/Muse; Zach Galifianakis/Vampire Weekend; and, most recently, Tina Fey/Justin Bieber. Sure, there have been missteps (the awful Sigourney Weaver/Ting Tings and Taylor Lautner/Bon Jovi episodes truly stand out), but the series still has its funny sketches and talented cast members. There may be no Gildas or Belushis, but Samberg, Hader and Wiig are strong comedic forces.

For examples of humorous skits, watch “The Mellow Show” with host Joseph Gordon-Levitt and musical guest Dave Matthews (35.7), or check out this gem of script from boytoy musical guest Justin Bieber (35.18) in a sketch called “Teacher.”

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“Let us go, jump on my skateboard, eat some cake, oh… we’ll check out Filene’s and get chunky jewelry at Chico’s, I’ll buy you a panini and some Spanx to make you teeny…”

I’m nostalgic. For everything.

My Facebook profile photo is Stick Stickly. And I wrote a final paper last quarter on “Rocko’s Modern Life.” I also occasionally scour the Internet for quasi-dangerous Sky Dancers. So, yes. I’m nostalgic for my childhood and generations prior (“Chico and the Man” and “Charles in Charge”).

Keep checking in for more bizarre-o factoids on The Girl. Or not.